Dating Me Be Like… is the first thought I had this morning, and it spiraled from there. lol I started reminiscing on my dating experiences and trying to figure out the almighty answer to Why am I single? or more precisely why am I turned off to dating? So here’s my answer to “Why am I Single?” cause nobody likes me like that. Well, that’s what I tell others. Then I started thinking about the whole dating process from beginning to end.
First, Let’s talk about the pre-dating phase. Before you even ask the pre-dating phase is the time is the period of time before a couple becomes official. It often includes a significant amount of hanging out, flirting, and oftentimes arouses suspicion amongst friends of either or both parties. There’s a progression to getting to know someone. It doesn’t happen in the first conversation. Every person is like an onion and comes with many layers. I know that sounds cheesy AF but it’s still true. Another cheesy fact is words have power.
As I started writing and getting in-depth with my thoughts I can only think of one word… “triggered”. So let’s get into my triggered thoughts. In 2023, can we eliminate these questions from the pre-dating application; Can I get to know you, Why are you single, What’s your body count, and When was the last time you had sex? These questions are provoking for all the wrong reasons, especially when asked by someone I just met. I don’t want to put them or be put in a negative headspace because of their lack of decorum.
To ask me “Can I get to know you?” cause me to physically react, whether I’m sucking my teeth under my breath or rolling my eyes. I just feel like this question is as annoying as hearing a screeching sound across a blackboard. Maybe it’s an age thing, I’ll be 42yrs old in 4 days, or is it a lack of trying? In my mind, the answer to can I get to know you is in the salutations. This question is equivalent to how are you doing. My answer is your approval or disapproval to carry on and get to know me.
Okay, Why are you single? is a question that’ll bring up a negative mindset about myself or either the opposite gender. Think about it, being single comes with baggage. Whether it’s a bad breakup or not-so-good predating phase. Everyone wants romance or at least companionship. Unless you’ve never dated at all but how high is that notion? I don’t want to relive a traumatic experience with someone I don’t even know. Then spend the whole night overanalyzing the situation to see if I spot those red flags I’ve ignored in my past relationships. SMH
What’s your body count, leave that question for your homeboys and when was the last time you had sex? Both will inevitably come up but not during the predating phase. It causes unnecessary pressure and a feeling my privacy is somehow being violated. I’m not that comfortable with being so vulnerable with you yet. Remember the overall outlook on black women and sex isn’t as liberal as it is for our counterparts, black men. I’m a sexual being and I’d be damned if I’d be judged by my sexual exploits. Now I can’t enjoy getting to know you because I’m worried. In my mind, is that all you want is sex? trying to figure out if there is an acceptable time frame since the last time I had sex without being judged, or will my answers be acceptable and meet your expectations?
See the triggers? lol So here’s my advice. Use google or ask Siri for assistance beforehand. There are articles, blogs, and podcasts with tips for icebreaking questions to ask on a date that are not so triggering.I think this might be a series for me “Dating Me Be Like” my dating epiphanies that I’ll eventually have this year.
How about you? What are your thoughts on my predating trigger questions? Do you have any triggers in the predating phase you’d like to address? Leave your comments for me below
